Friday, 23 November 2007

Love At First Sight?

Tonight I sit with a lovely salmon dinner, all by myself. Hubby and oldest daughter are at work, and teenage son has gone to a friend's house, possibly overnight.

I'm watching Men In Trees, and the theme is: How long before it matters? Patrick has lost his memory, and the whole town attempts to trigger a breakthrough by giving him a slide show of his life. His fiancée is concerned that she was only a blip in his radar, and not longer registers on the memory scale.

As romance writers we usually take the instant love approach, but we also take the long road to love. I haven't read Love In The Time of Cholera yet, but my impression is that it takes many years for the lovers to be together. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I remember the day almost twenty-five years ago when I first saw my husband. His eyes first caught my attention -- big, brown and deep set. He wasn't tall, but he was intense and intelligent. A cute geek, really. He was unlike any young man I had dated up until then, and he captured my heart within a few months.

As you can see, love grew. Perhaps it was instant attraction, but it took a while for us to decide that we belonged together. Through 23 years of marriage, and a lot of joy and heartbreak, we had to make new decisions, but we're still together. And he's still a geek who can't fix a faucet to save his life. But I love him anyway.

How long does it take for one to make an impact on another person, and thus be the love of his or her life? An hour? A few days? Years? Tell me about the love of your life.

8 comments:

bunnygirl said...

Well, there was "the one who got away." Slim, well-dressed and scholarly-looking, I was crazy for him from the moment I laid eyes on him. Our relationship was passionate and intense, which is what passes for love when you're in your early 20s. It ended badly, but we picked up again from time to time for several years after and I still dream about him sometimes.

With Dan, there was a similar "saw him from across a crowded room" moment, but the feeling was different. I was 28, he was 33, neither of us wanted drama and we didn't get it. We gradually got to know each other through low-key outings for coffee or to a park. I felt comfortable with him and we liked each other for what was there instead of for what we wished the other could be. No surprise that this relationship has worked. We'll have been married 12 years this spring.

As for "Love in the Time of Cholera," I didn't like it. It was beautifully written in the way only Gabriel Garcia Marquez can do. But a man who claims to be in love with one woman while screwing everything in sight including a 13 year old girl just doesn't appeal to me as a long-suffering hero.

Sure, I don't expect anyone to remain a virgin just because they can't have their first choice of love, but there are limits.

Chumplet said...

So it seems that so far the love that grows is the love that binds? A lovely story, Bunnygirl.

Church Lady said...

Mine is an intense geek too, Chumplet! We started out as friends. Things evolved. We went through a difficult time a few years ago, and it caused me to wonder 'are all marriages like this?' Not a pretty emotion when you have two small children. But we worked through it, and do love each other dearly.
A friend said a long time ago, 'Don't compare the inside of your marriage to the outside of someone else's.' I've remembered that.
Great photo!!! Is that you?

Chumplet said...

Kinda looks like me, doesn't it? It's my Aunt Rita posing with my dad just after the start of WWII. Yeah, I know they're siblings, don't get any ideas -- I just thought it was a nice illustration of deep friendship that can evolve into love.

Middle Ditch said...

Hi, something weird happened. I was writing a message on moonrat's blog and suddenly yours popped up just before me. Were we there at the same time?

Chumplet said...

Cool. Comment races. I win.

Bernita said...

Instant attraction is a reality.
Love has to navigate loss.

Holly Kennedy said...

My husband and I were friends first and the love grew, sort of sneaking up on us. I think this bodes well for the long term, though. Life tends to throw tons of crap at you and you need deep roots to stay... well, rooted!